I want to grow my own food, but I can't find bacon seeds.
You had one job: don't make my baked potato icon look like a poo emoji with sunglasses.
My kids say they want a cat for Christmas. Normally I do a turkey but hey, if it'll make them happy...
When your cat watches too much Food Network.
Cauliflower taste like someone at a dozen hardboiled eggs, waited an hour, farted into the dirt, then the far lovingly for 2 months until it grew into a fart flower, harvested it on the hottest and ripest day of the year, then boiled it for 13 hours. Then tried to fool people by telling them it tastes like mashed potatoes.
Sometimes the stress of being a kid would get me to chain-eat a whole pack!
If people make you sick, cook them longer. (Hannibal Lecter Wisdom)
Cooking tips: too much butter, flour, egg, sugar, baking soda, communism.
Jeffrey Dahmer: Craving 5 guys before it was a restaurant.
Does wine count as a serving of fruit?
The secret is that I only use local children (in my witches brew).
The McRib is the dead beat dad of fast food. It comes around once a year and we're all supposed to act excited.
Finding Nemo (Sushi).
Peptolupa: Taco Bell.
An Italian-America is being held down and forced to watch in horror as pineapple is added to a Pizza for the first time ~ 1914 Brooklyn, NY.
Pizza on a Pineapple.
Pooh gets stuck (needs more fiber).
Soylent Green: it's not just people... it's delicious.
Is that butter? No, it's Stonehenge. I can't believe it's not butter!
I was never a woman who wanted or needed a "Sugar Daddy"... but if "Taco Daddy" was a thing, my life might have taken a drastic turn...