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Martha Stewart
This was just too funny not to post
By: Anonymous
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 or those that don't know, Martha Stewart is a woman who has craft show here in America, where she continually makes something out of nothing, in a voice that implies condescnetion and extreme prozac abuse. This just fit everything I've ever thought about her.
                
This perfectly delightful note is being sent (on paper I made yesterday afternoon) to tell you what I've been up to since I saw you last in Palm Springs. It snowed last night, so I got up early and made a sled with old barn wood and a hot glue gun. I hand-painted it in gold-leaf, got out my loom, and made a blanket in peaches and mauves. Then, to make the sled complete, I made some reindeer to pull it with some extra reindeer DNA I had laying around in the refrigerator.
By then it was time to make the place mats and napkins for my 50 guests. I'm serving the old standard twelve-course Stewart breakfast, but I'll let you in on a little secret, I didn't have time to make the table and chairs this morning, so I used the ones I had on hand and antiqued them while doing my 45 minutes on the treadmill. Before I moved the table and chairs into the dining room, I decided to add a festive touch to the room. So, I repainted the room in pink and stenciled gold stars on the ceiling. Then, while my 12-grain bread was rising, I took antique molds and made the dishes (in exactly the same shade of pink!) to use for breakfast. These were made from Hungarian clay, which you can get in almost any Hungarian craft store.
Well, I must run. I need to finish the button holes on the dress I'm wearing for the breakfast. I'll get out the sled and drive this note to the post office as soon as the glue dries on the envelopes I'll be making shortly. Hope my breakfast guests don't stay too long - I have 40,000 cranberries to string with bay leaves before my speaking engagement at noon.
It's a good thing!
Love, Martha
P.S. When I made the ribbon for this typewriter, I used 1/8 inch gold gauze. I soaked the gauze in a mixture of white grapes and blackberries, which I grew, picked and crushed last week in an idle moment.
 Format for Printing  Mail
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