Anal Egg hunt at the local church: free family event! (It's anal because it's missing U).
Pope: if you want these beads, I'm gonna need to see some titties!
You majesty, the King would like to place the Crown Jewels no your head!
King: Ta-daa! (With his junk on her head)
Date testing kit: is the the one. (Golfball & Garden Hose).
Washer: I like it dirty, I want you inside me.
Dirty Laundry: OMG, you're gonna make me wet.
The reason I keep getting banned from the Disney Store!
Who is down for a 3.5 way?
I drank too much at the bar!
There's a natural progression: Finger Marie.
I finally found my girl's G-spot. Turns out it was hiding inside her Sister the whole time.
Guy: How much for a hand job?
Hooker: $10. You want one?
Guy: No, I was just curious how much a save doing it myself.
Him: How do you like it?
Her: From the back, with you pulling my hair and smacking my ass!
Him: I meant the coffee.
Her: Oh, it's great. Thanks.
When she asks how I learned to do that thing she likes, I just show her a cleaned egg beater.
How a girl should eat a banana in a roomful of men.
JFK sex position: he splatters all over her, while she screams and tries to get out of the car.
Ron Jeremy had sex with Hillary Clinton. And he's not happy about it.
Keep calm and pull out.
Male ladubugs can mate with a dead female for four hours before they realize something is not quite right... (I quipped, this applies to more than just ladybugs).
A Man's guide to Female Anatomy. (Guy's are kind of one-track minds).
Your mother should have swallowed.
Car dent. Daddy, Mom owes you another blow job!
Monica: That's how you suck a dick!
I'm no doctor, but if anyone is going to save him, I think it's the girl on the right.
Normal and Muslim sperm.
At this point, Barbie realized that Ken was a Progressive Democrat.
This exercise is called the penis fly trap.
When she asks if you pulled out? Yeah... sure.
Did you nut inside me? Why do you ask?
I don't see why Trump's climate decision is such a big deal... THOUSANDS of guys have pulled out of Paris before.
Robot Sex: 110 plug and 220 socket.
A woman gets a vibrator and it's seen as naughty fun. But a man orders a 240v FuckmasterPro 5000 latex doll with 6 speed pulsating pussy, elasticized anus, with non drop semen collecting tray, and the optional built-in orgamsic scream, and he's called a pervert!?!?
Why men keep their eyes open during sex. And why women don't.
Shaq and wife. Hey, I don't judge: but that is like the Chihuahua-Great Dane mix... it takes one ambitious little chihuahua.
Stick to what you're good at: a dozen hotdogs at once.
She said "take off my shirt", so I took off her shirt. She said "take off my skirt", so I took off her skirt. She said "take off my shoes", so I took off her shoes. She said "take off my bra and panties", so I took off her bra and panties. Then she said "never let me catch you wearing my things, ever again".
Is my Thai girlfriend really a guy? Something inside me says yes.
I told him I wanted to try it in the shithole. He booked two tickets to Haiti.
She used Vaseline to give me a hand-job. I came 3 times in the shower trying to wash it all off.
You're not vegan if you swallow.
I love how the grass tickles my nipples while I run!