November is MY MONTH! Now back in your sleigh, fat boy! And wait your turn!
Bad Santa Nipples: stop nursing the elves.
My kids say they want a cat for Christmas. Normally I do a turkey but hey, if it'll make them happy...
Christmas Lights are like Jeffrey Epstein: they don't hand themselves!
I celebrate Christmas, not "Holidays!"
Here's my Christmas Tree... in my shed. Because it's still November!
Lawyer: I'll ask you again, sir! Did you call my client a ho, 3 times, in a crowded shopping mall?!?!
It's not Christmas until Hans Gruber falls off Nakatomi Plaza.
We will cross a frozen river, to kill you in your sleep, on Christmas! Totally not kidding. We've done it.
Kermit: Obama voters are like Christmas lights... They all hang together, half of them don't work, and the ones that do, aren't very bright.
Before you mock people that believe in Santa, remember how many believe in Obama.
Santa tee-shirts gone bad.
Santa Venn Diagram.
Dear Santa, bring me what I want for XMas, or Prancer is next!
Now I have to kill you.
Starbucks is unkind to polar bears.
Jesus: I'm not healing your fucking hangover. (Happy New Year!)
Santa: liberal or conservative? 5-6 Conservative.
Not a creature was stirring... because I ate him.
Santa wears a thong?! TMI.
Brian Williams: there I was at the manger...
Witch and Turkey, "Stay in your lane, Santa!"