Star Wars: I-VI (Links)

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I'm not going to do rehashed reviews that covers the basics: Lucas is a hack that ruined the series after Episode V, and stuff like that. It wasn't THAT bad, it was just a shallow shell of what it could have been, if George was deeper than a kiddie pool. These are just some links to amusing theories, links and info around the movies, instead of staring into them (and reviewing them) directly.


Suffice it to say that 4 and 5 were simplistic, but good. 6 was shit, and 1,2, 3 aspired to be as good as 6.

Why do I hate 6 so much? Because 6 had so much potential and was building on 4 and 5 — and started the “just the another Death Star” meme that became the franchise. And Ewok’s... So 6 was where it went down hill for me. So for me the pinnacle of ruination, where the series took a downturn was 6. The redemption of Vader, the glowing deadman’s party at the end, the canibalistic cherubs that thought C3PO was their God. I didn’t like Jar Jar, but after the dancing teddy bears, I was like, “it’s not any worse than 6”.

The other movies might have been more forgettable but they didn’t have just the degree of dumbfuckery of “We’re going to go to Teddy Bear planet to disable the impenetrable shield around the Death Star, to blow it up... only it was all a trap, and it was operational — yet didn’t have it’s own shields (why not?) and had holes in it so the bad guys could fly into the reactor, just like last time? WTF?!! And fortunately the cannibalistic teddy bears will do a an attack of cuteness on advanced technology, Darth Vader will change at the last second because “his son”... and all the dead guys will party in glory Valhalla at the end? Jar Jar and all the other gripes don't approach that degree of dumbness for me — despite having weak sauce and pointless writing/adventure.

As a friend pointed out, it was just Dune rehashed. A stiff shirt leads a rebellion against the imperials using a primitive people who mistake him for their God... C3PO or Paul -- same basic story.

Star Wars has no good guys

I always thought this. Both sides were pompous douchebags. If you think through any of the plots, the rebels didn't value lives of others any more than the Empire. It was like watching Hitler vs.,Stalin, sometimes you want both sides to lose.

What If Jar Jar Was A Sith Lord?

The Shockingly Plausible Theory That's Rocking Star Wars Fandom

My take: Sounds plausible. Lucas had the potential to make a really good series, and instead went for tripe and merchandising instead. So believing him to be feckless is buyable. But they say, "Never attribute to malice, that which can be more easily explained by incompetence". And the truth is, that theory implies a competence and foresight to George, that I think was well beyond his intellectual capacity. By Episode 1, he was completely an automaton for the merchandising machine (failing to protect the brand from stupidity). So that leaves us the choice:
  1. Lucas was intelligent and made this character for a big reveal, but then wasn't smart (that it would have totally changed the series for the better, and merchandised the hell out of Jar-Jar) and chickened out
  2. Lucas tried to create a lovable character for merchandising, but he was hated as too much as the campy buffoon, so he wrote him out. And some alt-fan-fiction person invented a far better story than George had thought of.

I think 2 is just more likely. If it was #1, it was just too tragic, and shows how much a waste of opportunity the whole series was.

Palpatine elected in Ukrain

A politician, mocking the election process, by campaigning as the Dark Emperor Palpatine, won in Ukraine. I bet his campaign involved income inequality and giving away other people's stuff. A fictional villain is the perfect cult of celebrity, meets the cult of stupidity and party outsider, in a perfect storm that would eliminate that pesky liberty throughout the known Galaxy. He'd have probably carried California with the median help.

This is why Republicans think there should be an IQ test before pulling the lever, and democrats would call that voter suppression. How would the illegals, kids, gullible,and dead get their say, if it wasn't for the dems?