Medical

I think everyone has had at least some "pleasant" experiences at the Doctors offices. If you haven't, it is probably just a matter of time until you will. I sometimes am left to wonder if the AMA is conspiring with Gerbels, Mengela, and other leftover National Socialists to think of new procedure to either torment, humiliate, or outright torture the common man. It is like, "we could do a MRI, blood test or cat-scan and figure this out; but an endoscopy would be much more fun... for us".

Medical

These are just a few of my stories:

1980 Black Widow Being bitten by a black widow spider was not fun. I'd gone frogging, and then later had these muscle spasms, puking, and writhing in pain. My Mom said, "Food poisoning, next time don't eat frogs", and left me for a party. I spent the evening curled up in cramping pain, until I passed out. Later while retelling the story to a Marine/Friend, he laughed and explained that's what a black widow does, as he'd gotten envenomated as well. That explains why it was like no food poisoning I've had before or since: avoid it, if possible. You probably won't die, but it's no fun at all. 1982 ⚕️Nose Job My Nose Job (rhinoplasty) was because as a kid I tried to climb a cinderblock-wall, with a loose block at the top, that flattened my nose, and guaranteed I was a mouth breather. I eventually got that fixed, which involved discount plastic surgery, drugs, sexual harassment, and no real regrets 1995 ⚕️Heart Surgery My wife has a broken heart; and no I don't mean that I stepped on it, left her, or hurt her feelings; though I'm sure I've hurt her feelings a few times. No, literally her heart isn't quite right, or even close to right -- and it effects all of us. 2003 Jared Jared, Dena and somber Holidays. Another Holiday season is upon us. And if you're at all like me, you're looking forward with both dread and anticipation at visiting family. The soon to be bitter-sweet memories of both sharing time, remembering past and present experiences, and having that past crammed down your throat with old issues and buttons that our relatives know only too well how to push, and seem to enjoy pushing them. I'm looking forward to visiting relatives a little more than some of the past; despite having further to travel than normal. Broken Arms Many people have never broken a limb. I'm not one of them. My left arm seems to like to snap like a twig. I've broken it five times. No, it isn't weak, and I don't have osteoporosis or brittle bone disease - I actually just do dumb things or get unlucky, and sometimes both. These are my stories. Cars greatest hits Deathrace 2000: Some people tell their kids, "watch out for cars" -- for me that was always an understatement. I was one of those lucky kids that got hit by a car, over and over and over again. My final score was; Cars:4 Me:0 -- and that was just as a pedestrian, as a driver I had a few more accidents. Colonoscopy Lights, Camera, Action: the joy of endoscopies.Sometimes you've got to wonder who thought up the idea of making a prehensiled marital aid, and probing people's orifices with it; or what their true motivation was. I had the pleasure of taking it from both ends; not at the same time, thank goodness. These are my stories; the names have been kept the same to incriminate the guilty. Phobias and Anxiety Phobias and Anxiety: That which does not destroy us makes us stronger... but given the choice, I might opt for a little more weakness. I learned a lot about phobias and anxiety the hard way. I was a precocious kid and early adult, and then something snapped. It helped me learn first hand what these things are, and are not. These are just my views, based on those experiences. I am not a psychologist but because of my experiences I've read quite a bit on the subject. I am hope that explaining some of these experiences will help others with "phobias" recognize what they are, or help those who know people with "phobias" to understand them a little better. Poison Oak Brazen Shamelessness This is a video by me, on how I earned my superpower, with the help of poison oak and public humiliation in Junior High School https://youtu.be/iGP9KKvmd84