1986 Just a burger

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1986 Just a burger.png
1986 Just a burger.png
When is a burger, not just a burger?

I don't know why I am sharing this, but I invited a friend to go for a burger, then had to clarify it meant "just a burger". He was OK with that, but a little perplexed at the added clarification. What else would it mean? So I told my story...

Overloaded meanings

Which brings me back to when I was about 21.

I had gone to a work event (after hours drinks) with the consulting agency I worked for, and a bunch of us were sitting around eating, drinking and telling more and more racy jokes.

This cute girl across the table from me decides it's her turn to go. So she stops everyone, and says to me in her outdoor voice, “Do you know what the difference between eating pussy and eating a burger is?” (It suddenly had gotten very quiet as she asked this).

I wasn't sure where this was going, but I replied, “no”.

So she says, “Well, do you want to come back to my place for a burger”….

It was a little quiet after the punchline and she wasn't sure why. I smiled wryly, and said, "I'll get my coat... and by the way, have you met my Mother, and my Father" who were sitting on either side of me and both did little finger waves. Both had worked with company and the agency as well, and happened to be attending.

Poor girl, was a tag-along, and didn't know the relationship.

The people at the table practically fell off their chairs laughing, while she turned white, then red, and then rushed off saying she had to go to the bathroom.

As I was getting up to follow her, and explain it was fine, and funny as hell. When my normally mild-mannered british Dad, said with his accent, "I'd catch her son, I bet she could suck-start a Harley". Which caused spit-takes, and tears of laughter...

I tried to catch up to her, but the poor girl was gone in a trail of cartoon smoke (ala road-runner), never to be seen in that El Torito, ever again.

I think she felt that she'd certainly blown her chance to make first impression with the future in-laws? (Though she'd obviously made an impression on my Dad). Who knows?

Alas, while memorable, she never attended one of those events again, and I never got my burger.

But to this day (nearly 30 years later), I can't ask someone out for a burger, without clarifying, "really, just a burger". And now all the burger joints seem like lewd references for me: SmashBurger, In-N-Out, 5 guys, Wendy's hot & Juicy, even Jack in the Box. They all get a little teenager snicker out of my perverted mind.

P.S. I don't know what a Tommy's Chili Burger would be, but I'm pretty sure I'm not into it.