9 years a virgin

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I'm always worried about starting an article with the truth like saying, "I had sex with an 11 year old". It's not good for the search engine optimization... I never know what kind of sickos google search results will troll on keywords like that. Some important context, I was 9 at the time -- so I'm not a perv, she was the one teaching me (sorta). I'm not attracted to kids, heck, I'm not even attracted to the hot "barely legal" porn that many guys my age seem to be into. (I think trying to recapture their youth). But I want someone I can have a conversation with, and not think be thinking, "she's younger than my imaginary kids". So this isn't a pedophiles confessions (bleck), nor should it attract them (I hope). This is just cathartic writing about my life's experiences.


So back to the 11 year old. It helps to have some backgrounder, as she wasn't my first. Well, she was the first coitus, but not my first sexual experience.

I was always a precocious child: my Grandma told stories about how I potty trained myself (from soon after I could walk), or taught myself to tie my shoes at age 3. Of course, if you knew my Mom's maternal skills, you'd suspect it was because I didn't want to stew in my own juices (so to speak). Mom wasn't known for taking on gross tasks... still, she got me to walking and talking stage, and I took it from there.

I was a curious kid that had interest in everything.... especially things that I was told not to have interest in. Sex was obviously taboo, so very interesting.

When I was about 7 (this was 3rd grade, and I was a year ahead), I started having the great awakening. I lived across the street from a park (Faylane in Garden Grove) and School next to that. I remember being in the 3rd grade and the girls would occasionally flock and chase boys and try to kiss them at recess (while the boys ran around going, ew "Cooties" and trying to get away. Hey it was 1970-71 the teachers were a little more laid back about sexual harassment. Well, I was the kid that would run into field (so it would take a while for the teachers to get there and break it up), and "trip", and get mobbed by little kissy girls. I remember it wasn't that bad... as long as you had plausible deniability.

Bushes Girl

Well one day (I think I was in 4th grade for the first time), I was playing in the park, and had to pee. It was a long park, and the bathrooms were on the other side... so I did what every 7 year old boy does, you go into the bushes and pee. Well I was getting finished, when I felt an extra hand, not mine. Turns out, there was one of my classmates (a Girl), who had gone into the bushes for some reason, and I'd happened to come up next to her, and she had just sat there and watched. And was curious so touched. I didn't mind.

Kids don't have a lot of inhibitions yet. So she touched, probed, smelled and tasted. I let her. I remember her standing her, pulling down her pants, and going pee (while I watched)... and then let me touch, smell, taste her back. Kids inherently understood quid pro quo. I remember thinking, "this equipment is new and foreign". It wasn't really sexual as in adult sexuality: there wasn't much giving/getting pleasure, other than satiating a curiosity, it was just show me and let me touch and learn. I don't really remember either of us saying anything... and it was about 10 minutes. And then we were both done. Pulled out pants up, and came out of the bushes and went back to playing for the rest of the day.

I thought it was over. But later that night my Dad (the abusive step Dad who I was a bit terrified of), sat me down to have a talk. And I was thinking, "what did I get caught doing this time?" He was being very evasive and asking about what I did today, and I was doing the "nothing much... just played in the park" and stuff like that. When he said, "and what did you do in the park?"... and I distinctly got the impression that he was on a fishing expedition. How did he know? I remember evading, but finally he said, "a Girl's Dad called and said you two played Doctor in the bushes". I was thinking, "Holy shit, she ran home and told her Dad? She's not very good at being a kid".

I was getting ready to get smacked or some mental/verbal abuse (as I got a lot of that), but Barry said, "It's OK. I"m not mad. But you should avoid her and just wait until you're older to do stuff like that". Alright, uncomfortable talk over. Note to self: she's a blabber... no more slap and tickle with her.

Surprisingly (or not) it hadn't really satisfied my curiosity, but sparked it. Now I want to see how every girl differed.

Babysitters

I had been living on my own, under my parents roof since as long as I could remember. It was a different era, and they both worked, so I could cook for myself since I could walk, and they'd leave me alone with guidance on whose door to knock on if there were any problems. But nearing my 8th birthday, my brother came. My Mom trusted me to watch myself, but not my infant brother -- which was probably a good idea, I wasn't a fan of the screaming little attention whore. So my Mom would hire one of the neighbor girls to watch while she went out and did errands or things.

One of them was the older sister of a friend ( think she was 12 or so). I remember being as open then as I am now, and sharing stories about anything I'd observed/experienced (likely the bushes story and the betrayal of her telling anyone what we'd done, and so on). Well, I was telling her about that, or the time I'd watched one of the boys hold her down and feel her up on her lawn once... and she said, "you could do that... I'm too tired to resist".

Well that took a heck of a turn from where I was going, but I was down for it.My first thought was, "My Dad said to wait until I'm older. But that was months ago... and I"m older now. So I'm good". So if felt her up, and down (undoing pants but not getting them off her) -- but she was very passive, and just let me touch whatever, but wasn't really a participant. Interesting, but even back then, but I felt a bit like a necrophiliac as none of it was reciprocal, it was just permission to explore strange new life forms. Nothing ever came of that. I didn't know how to touch her for her pleasure, I was still touching out of my curiosity. I think she felt guilty as I don't remember her babysitting after that, and I was kind of looking forward to it. But at least this one knew enough not to tattle on me and get me in trouble.

Instead we got another babysitter: the girl two doors down. I've tried to remember her name, but I remember it as Rosalee (her name started with an 'R'... and we lived on Rosallee, so I think it just merged in memory). She was in 6th grade, and I was in 4th grade (for the 2nd time).

One night my parents were out, and I remember talking about some of the past experiences, and she said we should play strip poker. I said fine, but neither of us knew all the rules. I did play Gin Rummy with Grandma, so it wasn't that far off, but we agreed to just turn off the lights and take each others clothes off. Then we turned on the lights and showed each other. She was different, as there were pubes... I was still bald. But we played touchy for a while and the goal was much more sexual, it was about touching each other in ways that we liked.

Then she said something that I'll always remember, "I have an idea, why don't you put that, in here". What a brilliant fucking idea. I hadn't had sex-ed yet, but this just kind of clicked. Duh! That's what all this mystery is about! She didn't have to ask twice. I remember thinking, "well that's certain nice and warm"... and moving around until it tingled. While pre-pubescent boys might be the most well endowed, because this is before you ejaculate, there's no refractory period. You just keep going until it tingles again. This was fun good stuff. But I remember something she told me at the time, that stuck with me. At the time she said as we were first doing it, "my cousin showed me this". At the time what went through my mine was, "love your cousin, he's a genius"... as I aged and remembered that I thought, "ewww... that could have been creepy", but it was years later before I figured that out, and never asked if it was creepy, consensual and how old he was. But whatever, our actions were consensual and enthusiastic.

Remember when I mentioned inhibitions, and kids having none? I remember us screwing all over the house for months. We did in my parents bed, under my parents bed (don't ask me why), my room, living room, in the garage (it was a bonus room), and even in my parents hamper. (It was a big wicker hamper). We had discussions and had said in all honesty that we don't "like" each other in a boyfriend/girlfriend sort of way, this was just pure fun/sport. But it was also a lot of, "I like this", "don't do that", and about sexual pleasure.

Months later, my Mom told me they had bought a new house. (I knew, I'd been house shopping with them). But then the other shoe dropped.... we'd be moving away. Wait, what? NO! I didn't want to move from our house in Garden Grove. My Mom understood I was throwing tantrums and moving was NOT cool. This perplexed her as I never cared about moving before. But I had a hot piece of tail that lived 2 doors down, and babysat a couple times a week. I couldn't exactly explain to my Mom that I knew it would be hard to find someone else that would let me violate them like she did. I was tearful and inconsolable. We did get a going away hump... and of course I said I'd visit, but while it was only about 10 miles away, that's an infinite amount. And the supervised visits to the neighborhood were sort of self-defeating as a chaperone defeated the purpose. They moved a few months or a year after we did, and I never got her address... or even remember her real name. (Which is weird, since I remember the crush I had up the streets name: Tammy).

Consequences

People hear the story of "you got it at 9?" and think or say, "you stud, you must have been a little ladies man in your teens". But not so much.

While boys imagine it would be bragging rights to have "done it" when your friends hadn't, it was actually the opposite. It made you weird and different. If you told your friends that asked, they thought you were lying, or thought you were weird -- so it was quite isolating. So I learned to NOT talk about it, more than talk about it. Plus, after that we had sex ed, and while I was still eager -- most of the girls were annoyingly pure about their chastity, or they smelled the desperation or heard stories about me being experienced. Plus I had bad acne, could be a quiet kid, and I got into computers -- I was a nerd that knew what he was missing. Either way, the teenage years were a long dark period for me... knowing how much fun sex could be, and yet rarely being able to take advantage of it. I got a few little spurts here and there (pun intended), but I left my teens barely more experienced than I entered them.